{"id":4334,"date":"2024-01-17T15:09:03","date_gmt":"2024-01-17T13:09:03","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/mytherapist.gr\/?p=4334"},"modified":"2024-01-24T18:01:23","modified_gmt":"2024-01-24T16:01:23","slug":"boundaries-importance-childrens-personality-development","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/mytherapist.gr\/en\/mental-health-articles\/children-family-parenting\/boundaries-importance-childrens-personality-development\/","title":{"rendered":"The importance of boundaries and children\u2019s personality development"},"content":{"rendered":"
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A common concern for many parents is how they will manage to set boundaries with their children. Boundaries can feel hard to apply in practice, and they often bring up mixed emotions for parents.\u00a0<\/p>

\u03a4\u03b1\u00a0\u03cc\u03c1\u03b9\u03b1,<\/strong>\u00a0Boundaries could be described as a misunderstood concept when it comes to children\u2019s development and upbringing. They may seem difficult or even intimidating, and parents often find themselves asking questions like:<\/p>

\"What do you mean when you say boundaries?\"<\/h2>

\"Will I be too strict with my child?\"<\/h2>

\"What if my child thinks I do not love them?\"<\/em><\/h2>\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t
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So what is it that makes setting boundaries feel so hard?<\/h2>\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t
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It helps to reflect on our own relationship with boundaries and rules. When we understand how we personally perceive them, it becomes easier to see how we communicate them to a child through our behavior, because children tend to adopt and repeat the patterns they experience at home.<\/p>\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t

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What do boundaries symbolize?<\/h2>\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t
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Boundaries are very important for a child because they create structure and provide a sense of safety. They can also be seen as an act of care, because through this process we help a child build a self reliant personality rather than an all powerful one.<\/p>

Through boundaries, a child becomes more flexible, learns self regulation, learns to test limits, question and develop, both as an individual and as part of a larger social group. A child learns to follow social rules while also respecting individuality.<\/p>\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t

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What happens when boundaries are missing?<\/h2>\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t
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When boundaries are absent, children may show aggressive behaviors, experience fear of abandonment, and feel insecure. It is common for them to have anger outbursts and to feel chronically dissatisfied. This happens because the child does not have clear goals and does not fully understand the link between actions and consequences. As a result, the child may assume that every desire should be fulfilled, showing an all powerful attitude and very low tolerance for frustration when any wish or fantasy is not satisfied.<\/p>

In this kind of pattern, sooner or later, the child can lose touch with their emotional world. They may imagine that, just like caregivers are always present and available without conditions, the broader social environment will also always be there to meet every need. This is an illusion that can become quite harmful as the child grows, especially during later developmental stages with increasing social and emotional demands. That is why children need rules and boundaries at every age.<\/p>\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t

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The parents' role and the importance of consistency<\/h2>\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t
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It is important to have consistency and cooperation, first between the parents, and then across the wider family environment. Consequences help children learn the link between cause and effect. The preparation that happens when guiding a child into a new structure expands their understanding, teaches them how to make choices, and helps develop critical thinking. In a sense, the child is learning how to take responsibility for their decisions. To create a new channel of honest and two way communication, the way we explain what is happening matters a lot. Just as important is the stability of the environment and the consistent response of all adults who interact directly with the child, especially regarding consequences.<\/p>

Logical consequences refer to the realistic outcomes that follow a behavior, whether the behavior is desirable or not. We explain to the child that the consequences are connected to their choices, and that they should be immediate and consistent. It is important to understand that when a child crosses a boundary or acts in an inappropriate way, the result should be a logical consequence of that behavior, not an arbitrary punishment that sends confusing messages.<\/p>

We try to stay emotionally present during the child\u2019s reaction and help them express dissatisfaction. We listen, give them time to adjust, accept that this is difficult, and encourage expression. We give feedback on the behavior, and when possible, after the moment has passed, we review the situation together and support the child with positive reinforcement.\n\nWhen appropriate, we allow the child to choose, while also warning them about the consequence that will follow. We give them time to process it, and we offer gentle reminders along the way, helping them recall a similar past experience, reconnect with the feeling, and decide for themselves whether they will follow the rules or face the consequence again.<\/p>

By giving a child real time and space to express themselves and experiment in their environment, while also creating a clear and stable framework, we build the foundations for a more meaningful and healthier relationship during adolescence. We strengthen the child\u2019s sense of responsibility, acceptance, and trust.<\/p>

So even though the word \"boundaries\" may feel scary, if we can view it as an act of care and a long term gift for the healthy development of a child\u2019s personality, self image, and self esteem, we can remove the guilt around it and co create a healthier space in our relationship.<\/p>

\u00a0<\/p>

By Maria Founta, psychologist |\u00a014\/01\/2020<\/span><\/p>\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Boundaries are often a misunderstood concept when it comes to children\u2019s development and upbringing. Let\u2019s take a look at why boundaries matter for children\u2026<\/p>","protected":false},"author":236822084,"featured_media":4335,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"{title}\n\n{excerpt}\n\n{url}","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":true,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2},"_wpas_customize_per_network":false,"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false},"categories":[766568642,766568664],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-4334","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-arthra-psychologias","category-paidi-oikogeneia-goneis"],"acf":{"article-authored-by":""},"aioseo_notices":[],"aioseo_head":"\n\t\t\n\t\n\t\n\t\n\t\n\t\n\t\n\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t