{"id":4301,"date":"2024-01-16T23:52:18","date_gmt":"2024-01-16T21:52:18","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/mytherapist.gr\/?p=4301"},"modified":"2024-01-24T17:59:50","modified_gmt":"2024-01-24T15:59:50","slug":"setting-boundaries-breaking-the-rules","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/mytherapist.gr\/en\/mental-health-articles\/children-family-parenting\/setting-boundaries-breaking-the-rules\/","title":{"rendered":"Setting boundaries, \"breaking\" the rules..."},"content":{"rendered":"
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According to the systemic approach in psychotherapy, the family is a system. This system includes every member of the family, and within it, members form smaller subsystems. For example, one subsystem is the couple, another is the parents, and a third is the siblings.\u00a0<\/p>

Like any system, a family needs rules and boundaries in order to function. In this way, it shapes its identity and differentiates itself from other systems.
A system\u2019s boundaries are the imaginary line, the circle that surrounds the system, and this imaginary line separates one system from another system, as well as from its larger system (Barker, 1998).<\/p>

Some families have open boundaries that allow information to flow in from the outside world, and also allow the system to express itself outward. In contrast, families with closed boundaries do not allow the exchange of information.<\/p>

As for rules, they emerge from the spouses\u2019 experiences, values, and family history. These rules relate both to the family\u2019s practical functioning and to its value framework. They can be explicit or implicit, written or unwritten, and they regulate members\u2019 behavior, attitudes, and communication. In fact, they play a key role in shaping children\u2019s personality and in the functioning of the family system. As long as family members follow these rules, the system remains in balance.<\/p>

But what happens when life brings us face to face with these rules and values, the ones we live by and have learned to use in defining ourselves? What happens when we realize that some of these rules are outdated and can no longer be applied to our lives as they evolve over time? What happens, then, if they no longer fit us?<\/p>

Most likely, questioning them brings us face to face with ourselves and, by extension, with our family. In many cases, this process is particularly painful. The internal and external conflict creates turbulence, and the system\u2019s balance is threatened.<\/p>

In such cases, the system, meaning the family, usually takes initiative in an attempt to preserve its balance. Every family has its own ways of achieving this.<\/p>

The pressure a family places on a person who tries to go beyond boundaries or challenge rules can be intense. Whether someone gives in or not depends on the degree to which they are differentiated from their family, meaning the extent to which they have come to see themselves as separate from the family as a whole.<\/p>

In practice, as time goes on, we will all eventually come face to face with our boundaries, our values, and the rules we have learned to live by. Sometimes we may feel that our boundaries are too restrictive, our rules are outdated, and our values are too binding. Other times, we may feel that these rules and boundaries protect us and are necessary for us to feel safe.<\/p>

In any case, it is important to enter the process of redefining. Rules can be rephrased, and boundaries can be flexible. After all, they are useful as long as we feel comfortable within them and with them.<\/p>

By Niki Romanaki, psychologist | 25\/09\/2018 25\/09\/2018<\/span><\/p>\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Just like any other system, a family needs rules and boundaries in order to function. By setting boundaries, it is able to shape its identity.<\/p>","protected":false},"author":236822084,"featured_media":4303,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"{title}\n\n{excerpt}\n\n{url}","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":true,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2},"_wpas_customize_per_network":false,"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false},"categories":[766568642,766568660,766568661,766568663,766568664,766568667],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-4301","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-arthra-psychologias","category-psychotherapeia","category-synaisthimata","category-scheseis-gamos","category-paidi-oikogeneia-goneis","category-filia"],"acf":{"article-authored-by":""},"aioseo_notices":[],"aioseo_head":"\n\t\t\n\t\n\t\n\t\n\t\n\t\n\t\n\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t