The term “insecurity” is one of the most commonly used in the field of psychology. An insecure person - if we can categorize someone in that way without being unfair to them or to ourselves, often fits certain stereotypical behavioral profiles.
The most common characteristics include uncertainty about oneself, one’s worth, and one’s abilities. This can translate, on a behavioral level, into passivity, fear of taking responsibility, and a sense of being “stuck.” Emotionally, we may be talking about hopelessness, despair, cowardice, exhaustion, and a pervasive anxiety that seems to have seeped into every aspect of life. An insecure person may appear nervous, aggressive, or withdrawn - and may show all of these sides in different situations. Cognitively, these emotions and behaviors both feed into - and are fueled by ideas that shape how a person perceives the world. You may often hear things like “I’m unlikeable, ugly, useless,” as well as “everyone else is selfish, cold-hearted, corrupt,” and so on.
All of this together can turn life into a kind of living hell, where we feel we will never find someone who understands us and takes care of us. Whatever we receive will never feel like enough, because nothing can fill that inner emptiness that always remains open - bleeding away our courage. In the end, nothing will seem to have meaning, and the only thing that can calm us down will be escape. And how easy it is to feel this way in a society plagued by unemployment, austerity, and fear.
One idea that is not taught much, neither in universities nor, unfortunately, in our own families - is that everything created and used by humans is imperfect, just as humans themselves are. Everything has a flaw that makes it, in some way, worse than anything else. And that “ else” will fall short compared to other things. This idea teaches us that we can feel insecure in certain phases of life, and that this is human. Even these “bad” feelings are not unproductive, as long as we have the courage to listen to them and learn about ourselves.
Our society is not perfect, it consists of humans. There is no one who has not been treated unfairly or hurt, just as there is no one who has not treated someone unfairly or hurt someone - sometimes even unintentionally. To live, means to make mistakes. What matters is not to build your entire worldview on the belief that you and your life are worthless because you have been “stained” by the mistake that others supposedly avoided. By diving into insecurity, you can surface wiser - into a genuine sense of security, where you know that something bad will happen, and you will get through it.
By Evgenia Farmaki, psychologist | 14/10/2020
