Many people confuse the concept of happiness, i.e. the feeling of «being happy», «being well», with the concept of fun, i.e. the feeling of «having a good time».
The feeling of happiness - that “I’m okay,” “I’m feeling good,” “I’m happy,” whatever words one chooses to express it - refers to that pleasant sense of inner calm and satisfaction with oneself and with one’s surroundings. In this sense of peace, a person feels balance and fullness, and is able to experience life fully, along with whatever emotions each experience contains. In other words, they don’t feel the need to block anxiety, boredom, sadness, disappointment, fear, or any other emotion one may experience, constantly chasing euphoria and joy. Instead, they have the inner resources to welcome and embrace their entire emotional range, because through it they find meaning. And within this variety, they can feel in harmony, with the common denominator of these diverse emotions being a sense of mindful, conscious happiness about their life and themselves, because they are able to experience them fully.
On the other hand, entertainment and having fun, that momentary feeling of “I’m having a good time”, is always linked to an activity or an event and triggers a chemical reaction in our brain, mainly by increasing dopamine levels. The effect of elevated dopamine in the brain makes us feel the euphoria of enjoyment and gives us that much-desired sense of “having a good time.” At the same time, however, it doesn’t allow us to experience anything else for as long as this increase lasts. This means that a large portion of thoughts and emotions are not experienced, so the experience is not lived in its entirety - and some parts of it remain on the sidelines.
But what happens when someone confuses, or even equates, these two different feelings? When a person believes they are “happy” only when they are simply “having a good time” under the influence of a hormonal surge, what will happen when those levels return to normal and all the emotions and thoughts that had previously been hidden behind dopamine resurface? They may feel the need to raise dopamine levels again by seeking a similar activity, trying to distract themselves so there is no room for any emotions or thoughts other than euphoria and joy. Chasing happiness in this way becomes a game that, in reality, can never be won, because this type of “happiness” is never a stable, lasting state, but rather a phase that passes as dopamine levels drop. In other words, it is not realistic to expect to experience only this kind of euphoria and joy, with no space for any other emotion or thought.
This is a distortion of the meaning of happiness. To a large extent, is promoted in this way by modern Western society. But it is a definition that diminishes its value and turns it into something that always feels out of reach. It’s unfair to feel that you can’t find happiness simply because you’re searching for it in a way that doesn’t suit it. Of course, real happiness doesn’t mean something easy to attain - and perhaps it isn’t even something that can be fully “achieved” in the end. Think of happiness as a direction, not a destination. A direction in which, the more you stay on it, the more fully you are able to experience your life - being increasingly present with yourself and in your moments. Real happiness is a sober, grounded, and humble feeling. And if you learn to recognize it and appreciate it, the intoxication of temporary joy will no longer be an end in itself, but rather one shade in a broad palette of experiences.
By Alexandra Riseakou, psychologist | 29/10/2020
